Who Smashes the Glass at a Jewish Wedding — and Does It Have to Be the Groom?

"The bride smashed the glass? Who ever heard of a bride stomping on a glass?" said someone's grandmother, somewhere, upon hearing about a wedding where the bride broke glass under the chuppah. When people picture the typical Jewish wedding, they usually imagine the groom stepping on a glass. But they also usually imagine a groom and a bride, both of them Jewish. In today's world, that configuration describes many weddings, but certainly not all. So when it comes to who breaks the glass, the answer is less fixed than it might seem.

The primary objection to someone other than the groom (in a hetero wedding) breaking the glass is something along the lines of "it simply isn't done," or that it breaks gender norms. You may come from a community where this is a red line or be working with an officiant for whom this is problematic. But if that's not the case, there is good news: breaking the glass is a symbolic piece of the ceremony, not a halachic one (i.e. it isn't connected to any actual Jewish laws), so couples can change and adapt the ritual as they please.

There are many reasons a couple might choose to veer from the standard "Groom smashes glass; Mazel Tov!" arrangement. Here are three we have come across:

Who Smashes the Glass at a Same-Sex or Non-Binary Jewish Wedding?

Two grooms stomp on glasses at their wedding

Perhaps the most obvious reason to do something different with the glass is in the case where the two people getting married fall outside the convention of "bride and groom." Who smashes the glass when there are two grooms, or two brides, or two people who love each other but don't identify with the "bride and groom" labels at all? Does one person smash the glass? Do both people smash it together? Do they each smash their own glass?

These questions, originally raised by same-sex and gender-nonconforming couples, have opened a broader conversation about the Jewish wedding ceremony that straight and cis couples are increasingly joining. While the standard ceremony was revolutionary at the time of its creation, it is quite patriarchal by today's standards. But for couples who want to engage meaningfully with these traditions, there are ways to address that, both within and outside the bounds of halacha. 

Kol Sasson, a guide to halachic same-sex weddings, has a whole section on precisely this glass smashing question. This site is an incredible resource not just for same-sex couples, but for anyone who wants to delve into the wedding ceremony and do things outside of the patriarchal norm. Our admittedly biased recommendation is that in any case where both people want to smash glass, they each smash a separate glass. No need to start a marriage by stepping on each other's toes!

Can the Bride Break the Glass at a Jewish Wedding?

Another reason a bride might choose to smash a glass is to make a statement about gender equality. The act of stomping on a glass is often associated with machismo or virility, but not for any particularly good reason. A woman choosing to break a glass either alongside or instead of the groom suggests that the couple is choosing to view their partnership in ways that question gender norms and redistribute roles in ways that align with their personal strengths and values. Smashing the glass need not belong to any one gender category – it is a declaration made by the couple, however they want to declare it.

What About Interfaith Couples — Who Breaks the Glass?

In marriages where one partner is Jewish and the other isn't, it can make sense for the Jewish partner to enact the Jewish tradition of smashing a glass. If it happens that the bride is the Jewish partner, then she might choose to break the glass. A non-Jewish partner might want to be the one to break the glass – or break a second glass – as a nod to their partner's heritage, and as a way to acknowledge that it is theirs now, too.

The "Mazel Tov!" Moment Is Yours

It is no longer a given that the groom is the one, or the only one, to smash a glass at a Jewish wedding, and the question of who breaks glass turns out to be one of the most revealing questions a couple can ask themselves as they plan their ceremony. It brings up assumptions about gender, tradition, and what marriage means to them in particular. Whether you break one glass or two, and whether it is the bride, the groom, both partners, or someone who doesn't use those labels at all, the "Mazel Tov!" moment marks a high point of your life, and it is yours to design.