Something Borrowed: Why Breaking a Glass Travels Further Than Any Other Jewish Wedding Tradition

What a Few Ministers Taught Us About Jewish Weddings

Deep in my business inbox is an email I sent to Bryan in 2019, subject: Bridal Show – I think we should go. The content includes a link and says "not as a vendor. but we can get tickets and shmooze. whaddya say? date??" At this point Bryan and I had been married for about six months, and I remember wandering slowly through a giant convention center conference room feeling deeply overwhelmed and grateful that I hadn't seen any of this before our own wedding. I was awed by the hours vendors had taken to set up their booths as tiny little worlds bedecked with fake greenery, flowing fabrics, flashing lights, and wooden floors. 

This wasn't going to be the right space for marketing smash glass, but one thing stood out: we spoke to a handful of ministers and other (non-Jewish) officiants who were at the event, and when we explained the premise behind our glass-stomping kits, more than one said similar things: "Oh, I've had couples smash a glass before! Sometimes they just like the tradition, but more often they'll say, 'They broke glass at my grandparents' wedding, so I want to do that too.'" 

I knew that smashing a glass was an iconic Jewish wedding tradition, but I was surprised to learn how much tenacity it has. From what these officiants shared, even couples with no current Jewish affiliation still felt connected to the ritual, pulled by something they couldn't always name.

The Most Portable Jewish Wedding Tradition

In the years since that encounter, I've observed that if a couple is going to incorporate just two elements of Judaism in their wedding ceremony, it's smashing a glass and holding the ceremony under a chuppah. If they keep only one, it's the glass. This is true for interfaith couples as well as for unaffiliated or secular couples. Everyone has their reasons for choosing these elements. For some, these are just two elements in a fully traditional ceremony. Others want a ceremony that reads as unequivocally Jewish, even as they retain the freedom to create their own content or incorporate traditions from other cultures. Still others want just a nod to tradition, and, as the officiants at the wedding expo shared, some people just like it even if they can't tell you why.

So Why Does It Hold Such Sway?

Why is this one thing the most recognizable moment of any Jewish or Jew-ish wedding, and why do so many people choose to do it even if they don't feel strongly connected to other aspects of Judaism?

It's visual and dramatic

Stomping on a glass is a visually powerful act – and a surprising one. In a setting where things tend towards softness and precision, breaking something on purpose cuts directly against that. The contrast makes it memorable and wakes everyone up at precisely the right  moment.

No Hebrew Required

There are no blessings or specific things that have to be said in order to do it "right." Anyone who can stomp their feet can do it, no matter their level of Hebrew or familiarity with Jewish ritual.

Tangible – and Fun!

Breaking things is deeply material. In a world where things are increasingly digital, it can be empowering to engage with the realm of physical objects. Wedding ceremonies often center around words, so incorporating actions brings the ideas and sentiments into tangible reality.

There is also a reason that break rooms (aka smash rooms, rage rooms, anger rooms) are gaining traction: it's fun to break things. There aren't a lot of societally accepted ways to do so, and this is one of them.

A Moment of Collective Joy

The "Mazel Tov" moment is a high moment of the ceremony. There is a collective holding of breath in the seconds before the glass is smashed – will it break easily? Are we there? Is this really happening? The ritual engages the crowd and provides a way for everyone to participate by shouting "Mazel Tov!" after the glass is stomped.

A Clear Transition

Breaking a glass adds definition and clarity to the end of the ceremony: The glass is smashed. The ceremony is over. Now we PARTY!

Multi-Faceted Meaning

Specifically because it doesn't have just one accepted meaning, smashing glass is a ritual that is meaningful without being proscriptive or heavy-handed. Breaking a glass provides a way for people to connect to their heritage on their own terms, ascribing to it whatever meaning rings true for them.

Breaking Things Thoughtfully

It can be tempting to decide to break glass at a wedding without thinking too much about it. Maybe because it would be cool, maybe because it's just what one does at a Jewish ceremony. But there are ways to engage thoughtfully with the tradition and smash a glass with purpose rather than just for aesthetics. Here are some suggestions:

Take Five Minutes

Set a timer for five minutes and pull out a pen and paper. When you consider breaking a glass at the wedding ceremony, what comes up for you? Take a few deep breaths and observe what it feels like in your body. What emotions arise? Does the tradition already mean something to you? Do the existing ideas about what it means resonate with you? Why or why not? Do other, more personal meanings surface? Jot down some notes about what came up.

Consider a keepsake

Several artists in the United States, Canada, and Israel offer keepsakes made with the shards from the stomped chuppah glass. Often these are Judaica items for the home, such as a mezuzah or kiddush cup, or decorative pieces. If you're working with a glass blower who re-melts the shards, you may need to use a glass that they provide. But there are also options for making a mosaic or keeping the shards visible as little pieces of broken glass and encasing them in something. Any of these choices will give you something tangible to turn to whenever you want to remember the highest highs of your wedding.

Choose the music

The glass breaking moment is meaningful in part because it combines emotions: it is undeniably joyful, but there is something sobering about breaking things – especially beautiful things! Consider how you might convey mixed emotions through the music that is played immediately before smashing the glass. The traditional choice is a version of Im Eshkacheich ("If I Forget You O Jerusalem) because of the common understanding that breaking the glass is evocative of the Temple destruction. But the possibilities are endless. Choose one that means something to you.

A Long-Held Tradition

Breaking glass is the most iconic part of a Jewish wedding, and arguably the most fun as well. Given how exciting, tangible, and meaningful it is, it's no wonder that so many couples opt to include this tradition in their ceremonies. Whether you're breaking glass as part of a traditional ceremony, honoring an ancestor, or simply drawn to a ritual you can't quite explain, you're in good company, and part of a long line. This tradition lives on because it means something — many things – and because everybody loves a bang.